Alcoholism is a disease that effects the entire family, not just the one with the drinking problem. There are often times physical, emotional, and even sexual abuse involved with alcoholism. Even if there is no physical abuse, it can affect every member of the household.
The Spouse
The spouse of an alcoholic will often exhibit signs of chronic depression and may even develop physical health issues due to the stress caused by the alcoholic spouse. When there is an alcoholic in the family, there is a definite codependent relationship. The spouse of the alcoholic often takes the role of the caretaker. They will sacrifice their own needs and wants to satisfy or even physically take care of their alcoholic spouse.
This leads to an emotional roller coaster that is filled with anger and resentment one moment to pity and compassion the next. The spouse often battles between not being able to take care of themselves and feeling the need and desire to care for the alcoholic.
The Child In Regards To The Alcoholic
The child will feel unloved and unappreciated by the alcoholic parent and will build anger and resentment. The child will often times be very embarrassed by the alcoholic parent and may feel that they are different than their peers. Because of this, they can develop poor self-esteem.
The Child In Regards To The Spouse Of The Alcoholic
The child will often have built a resentment for the non-alcoholic parent as well and in a lot of situations may have more difficulty relating and interacting with this parent than with the alcoholic parent. This is due to the mood swings caused by the depression and frustration. The non-alcoholic parent may be yelling and criticizing the alcoholic one moment and later may be making many excuses for his or her behavior.
At least with the alcoholic parent, the behaviors are consistent. With the non-alcoholic parent, the behaviors are anything but consistent.
The Affect On The Child As A Whole
The child of an alcoholic will often exhibit symptoms such as low self worth, loneliness, guilt, helplessness, fear of abandonment, and even chronic depression. Young children may display frequent nightmares, bed wetting, and recurrent crying. They may also display a lack of social skills with their peers and may not have many friends. Older children may exhibit qualities such as perfectionism, seclusion, and excessive self-consciousness.
Neither the younger or the older child seem to be able to relate well with peers and develop a poor self image. Children of alcoholics often have more trouble with their school work than other children. They have trouble concentrating on studying at home due to the stress level in the home and often have trouble expressing themselves.
As the child gets older, they may have trouble in relationships because they have developed a lot of trust issues. These children also run a higher risk of getting into a codependent relationship. Most likely, the codependent relationship will also be with an alcoholic.
Beware Of The Recovering Alcoholic
I know this sounds strange, but the family unit can have more trouble if the alcoholic stops drinking than when they were drinking. When the alcoholic is drinking, everyone knows what behaviors to expect and everyone has their own roles within the dysfunctional family. These are learned behaviors and are actually the norm or familiar. Though it’s healthier for everyone in the long run when an alcoholic stops drinking, the entire dynamics of the family have just changed. The behaviors are unfamiliar and disturbing. No one is quite sure what their role in the family is anymore. All of the rules within the family unit have changed.