Father Martin said, “If alcohol is causing problems in your life, then alcohol is the problem.”
Of course, denial tell us that it “isn’t” alcohol. It is people, or our job, or wife, husband, mom, dad, kids, school, or its sunny out or its raining, or its the town, job, etc., etc., etc., that is causing the problems.
I had my first drink in my baby bottle. Thirty years later, my father and brothers and sisters were all sitting around watching a news show in which research showing that the earlier in life a person started drinking, the more likely-hood that they would have a drinking problem later in life.
My father said, “ah – that’s bullshit. We gave you kids beer in your bottles and look, it never hurt any of you!” At the time, I had been sober for 2 years, all my brothers and sisters were in various stages of alcoholism, and all of them were holding beer bottles in their hands!
Yes, denial is a wonderful thing for those who do not want to face facts.
For me, I loved the effect booze had on me. My first drink I remember is when I was 5-6 years old and my father, who was an ex-pro boxer, would have me and my brother box. He acted as the referee and whoever he thought won, would get a cap full of whiskey. I can remember to this day how that whiskey felt when it went down my throat and spread through my system.
It spread a feeling of calm through-out me, and while I didn’t have the understanding or words at the time, it made me feel as good as everybody else. It made me feel that everything was going to be fine. It made me stand up straight and feel as confident as everybody else appeared to be.
I was involved with sports at a young age, and I never took another drink until I was 17 and again, I had the very same response as I did when I was 6. I spent another 11 year trying to achieve the same affect as I had with my first drink. I came close but it started taking more and more booze to get the same effect. Towards the end, I was drinking for 2-3 days straight. I couldn’t hold a job more than 2-3 weeks at a time, and I was living 2 blocks off skid road. I was stealing from strangers, selling my blood, and the last straw was when I stole from a family member.
In Alcoholics Anonymous they talk of “crossing an invisible line”, where our drinking goes from abusing alcohol to alcoholism. For me, this meant that I went from “wanting” to drink to “having” to drink. It also meant that when I took one drink, I couldn’t stop until